Jilted Read online

  She gave him a sad little smile. “I really thought you did. All this time I thought you felt what I did. And then you risked your life to save me. Hugh told me that’s when I would know if a man was right for me. You did that. So now I’m confused again.”

  He almost spilled it then. All of it. Throw caution to the wind. Love her for as long as she’d allow him to. Before he could, she continued.

  “I lied a bit before—about why I’m so untouched, so to speak.” She brought a hand up from under the covers to brush a piece of lint from the blanket from her face. “I’ve been kind of freaked out by guys. Before you, that is.”

  “Did something happen to you?” He’d kill whoever hurt her.

  “No, nothing like that. It’s just that I was kind of a late bloomer and super shy around boys. Plus, I went to an all-girls school, so there wasn’t really that much opportunity to meet anyone. In college, I was so busy studying and everything so I could finish early that I didn’t really have time. The longer it was, the more stigma I felt around the whole sex thing. You know, like I was weird. Which I am, obviously.”

  “You’re not weird.” Special. Flawless. Untouchable.

  “Then I moved here and started working like crazy at the restaurant, and after that I was pregnant, you know, so no one wanted to date me even if I’d been interested. I definitely didn’t want to lose my virginity like that. I mean, there was a baby inside me. What if a guy’s thing hit Sebastian in the head, for example?”

  “Um, no.” He felt his skin flushing hotter and hotter the more she went on. “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

  “How do you know?”

  He wet his dry lips with the tip of his tongue. “I just do.”

  “Well, that’s good to know. I was too shy to ask Dr. Waller that question. Another awkward thing about being a pregnant virgin. Anyway, all that to say, there’s a reason I’m the way I am. Finally, I met you, and I decided I wanted it to be you.”

  “Soph.”

  “I know. You don’t want me even though you do.”

  He nodded. What else could he say? That sentence pretty much summed it all up.

  “But what if you did this as a favor to me?”

  “Did this?”

  “Have sex with me. You could teach me things. Then, when I met the right guy…the one that isn’t you, I’d be ready.”

  He simply stared at her. Not only was she too young and naive for him, she might also be suffering from smoke inhalation and a drug-induced state that had affected her cognitive thought processes.

  “No strings attached,” she said.

  Famous last words.

  “You’ve gone through a tremendous ordeal tonight,” he said. “You’re not thinking clearly.”

  “Actually, it’s the opposite. I might’ve died in that fire never having had sex. That’s even more of a tragedy than merely dying young.”

  A dry laugh escaped from his belly. Sophie Woods was one of a kind, that was for sure. He glanced down at his sports watch. It was almost four in the morning.

  “Regardless of your logic or lack thereof, it’s time for us to get some sleep, and I need a shower.”

  She yawned, as if his words reminded her of how tired she was. “At least think about it, okay?”

  “No promises,” he said as he rose to his feet.

  In the bathroom, he righted the shelf and cleaned up the glass before getting into the shower and washing away the horrendous night from his skin.

  When he returned to the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, Sophie was asleep on her back. For a moment, he watched her sleep. How many times had he imagined her like this? Peacefully asleep in his bed. Only in those dreams, she was wrapped in his arms.

  He pulled on a pair of sweats, feeling a hundred years old, and dragged himself into the other room. Jen lifted her head and wagged her tail, obviously hopeful that he’d ask her to join him.

  “This couch isn’t big enough for the both of us.” He opened the storage chest that also served as a coffee table and brought out a blanket. Using a throw pillow for his head, he settled onto his side. Jen cocked her head and made a sad whine. “Come on, then.”

  Jen smiled and leaped from her bed and curled up next to his feet. He closed his eyes, comforted by the small dog, even as the scenes from earlier flashed through his mind—flames and black smoke and the way the building had collapsed in on itself. And the noise. He hadn’t known fire would be so loud.

  He shivered, thinking of Sophie. How close she’d been to death. Him too, for that matter.

  They were safe, he reminded himself. No reason to go down the bad path, imagining things that didn’t happen.

  Sophie was in his bed, he realized with a lurch. God, give me strength.

  What about her offer? He knew in his mind, even though every other part of him screamed otherwise, that Sophie’s proposition had little to do with her desire to have her first experience over with and everything to do with her desire to have him change his mind about her. For that reason, he could not succumb. They’d both get hurt if they got involved. Neither of them needed that. He had to remain strong.

  Finally, he fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

  10

  Sophie

  * * *

  Sophie woke to the sensation of something wet and cold on her forearm. She peeled her tired eyes open. Jen stared back at her from those shiny black buttons under her white fringe. “You need a bang trim. Did you know that?”

  Jen’s tail wagged hopefully as she let out a friendly whine that communicated both hunger and a need to use the outside facilities.

  The clock on the bedside table told her it was after nine. She knew most days Nico was up before six to take Jen out and make sure Mrs. Coventry had her coffee and breakfast. Nico was a man of routine, which she always found counterintuitive to his laid-back vibe, but he was nothing if not a study in contrasts.

  She groaned as she remembered parts of her conversation with Nico. Had she really offered herself up as a sex toy? What had those drugs done to her?

  Jen whined again, this time with more urgency. “All right, girl. Hang on. I’ll take you out.” Sophie threw back the covers and swung her legs to the floor. She wore no pajamas and had nothing to put on, other than the clothes from last night that smelled of smoke. She looked over at the dresser. Would Nico mind if she borrowed a few things to wear? Given how rushed he was to get her under the covers, she figured he’d rather have her clothed than naked. With this in mind, she opened a few of the drawers and found a pair of boxer shorts and a thick sweatshirt she would wear without a bra.

  Dressed, she turned back to Jen. “All right, let’s get you outside and fed.” She grabbed her only worldly possession from the bedside table. While Jen did her business, she would gather strength from one of Hugh’s passages.

  Jen wagged her tail in response. Sophie padded across the hardwood floor of the bedroom and opened the door. She winced as it creaked, then tiptoed into the living room. Nico was curled on his side on the couch, fast asleep. A pang of guilt tugged at her for taking his bed. The sofa looked more like a love seat under his long, trim frame. She stared at him for a moment, taken in by the sheer beauty of the man.

  Asleep, he looked peaceful but also older, which was strange, as usually it was the opposite. In the bright light of the morning, the shallow lines that were etched into the corners of his eyes were more evident. Whereas when he was awake, his face was so animated, and his eyes twinkled and danced. He’d always appeared ageless to her.

  People said she was an old soul, more mature than her age, but she disagreed. She felt wise but not old. The secrets of the universe had been taught to her by her mother. Be curious. Be amazed. Be kind. These were age-old adages that kept a person youthful. These were the qualities she saw in Nico. Ones that were innate to him, not taught as they’d been to her. He didn’t talk often of his parents, but she knew enough to know their philosophies of life were more along the line
s of: be aggressive, make money, take what you want. She often wondered how he’d become the man he was, sensitive and kind and so content to be outside with his plants and flowers. She’d never once heard him talk about anything materially important to him. He was of the land and the sea.

  Jen licked her bare leg, bringing Sophie back from her Nico musings to the task at hand. A pair of Nico’s flip-flops were near the door. She slipped her feet into them. They were only slightly too large. She had enormous feet for a woman. Her petite mother had always told her they went perfectly with her long legs and to love them for their ability to take her wherever she wanted to go. Sophie agreed and thanked them by having regular pedicures and painting her toenails bright colors. Today, they were crimson pink. She wore a toe ring for extra sparkle.

  She grabbed a plastic bag from the roll on the table near the door for Jen’s morning gift, then opened the front door as quietly as she could. Jen slipped out and ran toward a patch of grass under a eucalyptus tree, ears flapping like happy flags.

  While Jen did her morning work, Sophie took in her surroundings. Like many of the homes built into northern slope, the front of the house faced westward toward the sea with the driveway in the back. Painted white with dark brown trim and a flat three-tiered roof, Mrs. Coventry’s home had both Spanish and French architectural influences. She knew this not because she had much knowledge of architecture but because Nico had told her. Formal landscaping included tall, skinny shrubs and precisely trimmed hedges. Double-sided dark-trimmed doors were made more formal by an intricate design in the window above. A wide cement driveway separated the detached garage and Nico’s bungalow from the house.

  This was a beautiful home. She hung her head, reeling for a moment. She no longer had a house. A lone ant went one way, then the other, on the cement driveway. Poor guy looked as lost as she felt.

  No matter, she told herself. The building was just a thing. A building could be rebuilt. She would start again. Zane would have a plan by now. He and Honor would have talked it over in their modern farmhouse kitchen with strong cups of coffee.

  She opened the book Hugh had left her and skimmed to the one that continued the story about what had happened to bring him and Mae together at last.

  Dear Sophie,

  For years Mae and I were friendly but not friends. She’d come in for dinner sometimes with the Wallers or I’d see her down on the beach or at school functions. I hadn’t wanted to be right, but I was. Bruises can’t lie. She tried to hide them under long-sleeved shirts and makeup, but I knew they were there. By this time Lily and Doc Waller had moved to town. The three kids, Jackson, Maggie, and Zane, were thick as thieves. Doc and Lily were my best friends. The Wallers knew the truth too, but Mae never admitted it to us. She always had an excuse. She fell or ran into a door or some such thing. Like women do who are in that situation. They’re scared. The Wallers tried to get her to leave many times, but again, she was too scared.

  As far as us, she and I never talked about anything deeper than the weather or sports. When she came in for dinner with Keene, I always had one of my staff take care of them. I couldn’t stand seeing her with him.

  Then, when the kids were about eight, Keene took a job down in Texas. Mae started coming by The Oar more often. On slow nights, she’d bring Maggie in with her and I’d give them a meal on the house. Maggie and Zane would do their homework in the office, and she and I would talk while I closed up the place. At first, we talked about superficial subjects or about the kids. One night, she came in with Maggie, and I could tell she’d been crying. I sent Maggie back to the office to hang out with Zane. Rain was coming down in sheets outside the windows. The bar was empty other than us. I poured her a glass of Riesling. That’s what she liked. I didn’t ask her what was wrong. I’d figured out by then that Mae didn’t tell you what was what until she was good and ready. I went about my business, drying glasses from the rack and storing them under the bar, then going through receipts from the dinner rush, which weren’t much. All the while I could feel all the words she hadn’t said to me for eighteen years just hovering in the air between us like a thundercloud before it bursts.

  It took half a glass of wine before she started talking.

  “Roger left before Christmas for Texas,” she said. “I don’t think he’s coming back.”

  I froze with a towel in one hand and a glass in the other.

  “He went for a job down there.”

  “I thought he was working at the feed store,” I said.

  “He was fired six months ago. Since then, things have been lean. Not many guests at the inn this time of year, either.”

  “Why don’t you think he’s coming back?” I asked.

  She shrugged and lifted her gaze to the ceiling. “Just my gut. I think he met someone down there.”

  I didn’t say anything to that. It had been my experience tending bar all those years that women almost always knew when their man was cheating. I’d consoled a lot of women over the span of my career.

  She looked me square in the face. “I can’t say I’m not relieved.”

  “Then what’s made you cry?”

  “I don’t know how I’m going to support us on my own. He’s never allowed me to work. I don’t know how to do anything but run the inn, such as it is, and take care of Maggie.”

  “Come work for me. I can always use someone reliable.”

  She narrowed her eyes and gave me a pinched smile. “I can’t take pity work. Especially not from you.”

  She was a different person without her husband in town. It was like she blossomed. Started smiling and laughing more. Lost that pinched look around her mouth.

  On summer nights after I closed the bar and Maggie was sleeping over at the Wallers’, your mother and I would come out to the patio to talk. She loved sweet white wine, and I’d have my Bud Light. Glad for the privacy, we’d talk in low voices. I shared things with her I’d never told anyone. I told her about Zane’s mother and how she’d left the baby with me and gone back to her rich family. She understood the utter terror it was to raise a child alone.

  After a time, she got up the courage to ask for a divorce, but it was like he’d disappeared off the face of the earth. Letters went unanswered or were sent back with “no known address” stamped on them. Then we found out she was pregnant with you. We made a plan to marry and got an attorney involved to get the divorce proceedings going. That got his attention. The thought of her with someone else threw him into some kind of jealous rage, even though he had another woman. He came back here to punish Mae. Well, you know how all that turned out by now.

  I wish to God he’d never returned. Things would have been so different for all of us. My only consolation is that you are with such a good family. They’ve been able to give you so much that I’d never have been able to. By the time you read this, maybe you’ll know all of us. Other than your mother, that is.

  If you know Maggie, you’ll have a lot of insight into what Mae was like. They were similar, what with their red hair and freckles and delicate dancer-type frames. Mae was soft-spoken and sweet but timid. She never did have much confidence in herself, which is how she ended up married to a monster in the first place. I know just by looking at you from afar that you’re nothing like that. You’re more like Zane, full of spirit.

  I know it’s easier to choose anger and bitterness over forgiveness. I’m not saying I haven’t struggled over the years. But one thing that’s always helped me—when I feel sad or angry, I look around to find someone who has had it worse off than me or is struggling in some way, and I put my focus on them. Doing something kind for others always makes me feel better. It’s selfish, really, if you think about it, but baby girl, getting along in this world is hard. If you can find a way to ease the pain for yourself and others, it’s best to do so.

  * * *

  Jen, having finished, sidled up next to her, ears down as if apologetic about the gift she’d left. Sophie used the plastic bag to scoop up the evidence. She
wasn’t sure where Nico took such a deposit. A simple shed at the other end of the driveway caught her eye. Perhaps they kept the trash cans in there? Trying the door, she found it open. Inside were trash cans, recycle bins, and garden tools. She dropped the doggy poo into the appropriate container. As her eyes adjusted better to the dim light, she noticed a bag of dog food and a bowl with Jen’s name etched into the side.

  She used the cup next to the bag to scoop some food into the bowl and took it out to the yard. Jen let out an excited bark when she saw her breakfast. Sophie set it down on the concrete. Jen sat back on her haunches and looked up at Sophie. “You’re a good dog. Go ahead. Eat.”

  After permission, Jen wasted no more time on niceties. She scarfed her breakfast with great enthusiasm. Sophie laughed. She appreciated any creature who enjoyed a good meal.

  When Jen was finished, she smiled up Sophie and wagged her tail.

  “Are you allowed to run around without a leash?” she asked Jen.

  Jen tilted her head to the side, as if trying to understand the simple human’s question, but failing. Obviously giving up on attempting to communicate, Jen lowered her nose to the ground and sniffed. She must have caught a whiff of something interesting, because she bounded across the driveway and around the back of the bungalow. Sophie sat on the bottom step in front of the main house’s doors and hugged her knees to her chest. She should call Zane and check in, but she had no phone. Why hadn’t she thought to grab it? She couldn’t even remember what she did with the headphones she’d been wearing when Nico burst into the bathroom. The entire time it took them to get out of the apartment was blurred, like a memory from long ago. This was probably her brain protecting her. She supposed she should be grateful.

  Jen returned with a dirty tennis ball in her mouth and dropped it at Sophie’s feet. Sophie, never one to deny anyone a romp, tossed it across the driveway. Jen barked and leaped after the wildly bouncing ball.

  “Once you start, she’ll never stop,” said a voice behind her.